Drops of Awesome

BlogHer and Me

March 9, 2016 by Kathryn

If you’re a woman and you’re blogging, you’re probably already familiar with BlogHer. They were a crucial resource for me at the beginning of my blogging career and I’m sure they will be again as my kids start school full time next year and I get serious about blogging again in the fall.

It’s been years since I’ve worked with them, but this week I’ve got a post up on BlogHer. Their site is the perfect place to blog about all the things I could have done when Drops of Awesome went viral a few years ago to help build my blog.

I Used to Do That

March 2, 2016 by Kathryn

I wasn’t always this perfect. And I won’t always be as imperfect as I am now.

A while ago I said something epically insensitive to a friend of mine who struggles with infertility. She didn’t say anything about it at the time but in a quiet moment later that day it occurred to me how hurtful my comment may have been. In this particular instance I felt strongly that bringing it up to apologize would only cause her more pain so I could relieve myself of guilt.

I felt terrible every time I saw her after my open-mouthed foot insertion. The guilt was eating away at me. I thought, I am so insensitive. I can’t believe I said that to her. I always speak before I think.

And then I stopped.

No, I thought, I used to do that. As of this moment, I don’t do that anymore.

This was a profound moment for me and I’ve used that phrase over and over since.

I used to do that.

As a mature woman who allows myself to evolve and change, when I look back at my life, I find there are things that I just don’t do anymore. There are little bad habits, sins or unkindnesses that come to mind and I think, I used to do that. But I don’t anymore.

I try not to beat myself up over these Used-To-Dos. If I don’t do them anymore, then thinking about them should make me happy. Oh, my, how I’ve grown!

But how long do you have to wait before you go from, “Dang! Why do I always do that?” to “I used to do that”? A week? A month? A decade?

Nope.

I propose that if you want to conquer a bad habit, you turn it into a Used-To-Do immediately. Whenever you do something you wish you hadn’t, rather than beat yourself up again, say, “Wow. I used to do that.”

Fix it if it needs fixing. And then move on.

If only wishing made it so, you might think. Saying, “I used to do that,” doesn’t automatically make it so I won’t do it again. Nope. I believe it can. Over time. At least far better than shaming and guilting yourself.

Let’s say you want to get up on time in the morning but you always find yourself hitting snooze. You wake up far too late, in a grouchy mood, and start the day off frustrated. You spend all day thinking things like, Why do I always do that? I know better than that but I’m so lazy. I’ve got to get up earlier but it’s so hard. If I don’t do better tomorrow, I’ll have another lousy day. I am so bad at mornings.

There are a few things that are messed up about this line of thinking.

1. You are reinforcing the negative behavior – “I always do that.” “I’m so lazy.” “It’s so hard.” “I’m so bad at mornings.” By telling yourself this story over and over again, you are digging it into your neuropathways, reinforcing it with steel beams and covering it over with cement. If you want to keep sucking at mornings, this is the way to accomplish that.

2. You are marinating in shame and guilt – Who was ever motivated to peaceful positive change by excessive shame and guilt?

No one.

Shame and guilt are key components of addiction and other out-of-control negative behaviors. A small amount of shame can help us fit into society by providing that little voice that tells us not go topless to the mall and a small amount of guilt can help us desire to make things right when we hurt another person. However, excessive shame and guilt can leave us feeling hopeless and grind us to a halt on our journey to healing and growth.

3. You are not being productive – There are no real solutions in this type of thinking. You are tearing down, rather than building up, criticizing rather than motivating.

Now think about this. Your alarm goes off one morning and, as usual, you hit snooze several times. You wake up late and frustrated and you think, I used to hit snooze a million times in the morning. That did not help my day go smoothly. Good thing I don’t do that anymore.

Throughout the day, as you feel unprepared or frazzled you think, This is frustrating. I used to feel like this a lot when I used to hit snooze in the morning. I’m glad I don’t do that anymore.

This does a few things to help your progress.

1. It stops your negativity before it spirals out of control – This is frustrating. But it’s temporary because I don’t do that anymore.

2. It redefines who you are and what you are capable of – I’m a person who makes positive changes. I have a plan to improve and I am improving at this very moment.

3. It reinforces positive behavior – All day long you rehearse the new improved version of yourself. I am a person who gets up early every morning.

You may need to do this again the following morning. And the next. But, if each time you hit snooze you think, I used to do that you will likely find that you hit snooze less and less.

Eventually you will transition to a place where your alarm goes off and, as you reach out your arm to hit snooze, you think, I used to do that, and slowly sit up in bed rather than dozing off again.

You reach the final stage when you don’t reach for the snooze button anymore, when talk of snooze button abuse comes up at a PTA meeting (as it so often does) and you think happily to yourself, I used to do that.

Saying, “Drops of Awesome,” when I do something positive helps me celebrate the good and keep my momentum going. Saying, “I used to do that,” when I do something negative interrupts the destructive behavior and reminds me of who I am and can be.

In the middle of writing this post, I went to the kitchen for a snack and saw the other half of Wanda’s breakfast grapefruit sitting on the counter. I should eat that before it goes bad, I thought. But then I decided there was probably more appetizing fruit in the fridge. I started to walk away and leave the grapefruit on the counter to die but then I thought, I used to waste food, and I ate it.

I used to eat chocolate right before bed. I used to say insensitive things in the name of humor. I used to ignore my kids when they got home if I was in the middle of writing.

What did you used to do today?

The Man With the Beautiful Smile

February 25, 2016 by Kathryn

Yesterday, as I drove home from Costco, I caught Wanda making faces in the rearview mirror, a grimace followed by a grin followed by a groan of frustration.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Ugh. I wish my smile was beautiful.”

This surprised me. I know of no more beautiful smile than the one stuck to the face of Wanda McSweetz.

“What do you mean? You have an amazing smile.”

“Well, I know, but it’s not beautiful, not as beautiful as… oh never mind.”

Oh man. I hate comparison and to think my 6-year-old was comparing her gorgeous toothless smile with some princess or actress or Citizen of Equestria did not sit well with me.

“It’s not as beautiful as who?”

“Ugh. Never mind.”

Introducing exhibit 569.C to the courts.

Things I want to Know

“Wanda. I really want to know. Whose smile do you think is so beautiful?”

“It’s just Dad, okay?”

“Dad?”

“Yeah. In that one picture that shows up on your phone when he calls, the one with Magoo by the train. It just looks A-MAZ-ING! I wish my smile was that beautiful.”

This is it, ladies. The smile that makes grown women swoon and kindergarteners stay up at night weeping into their pillows over their own inadequacy.

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He’s the most beautiful guy I know and I’m sorry to tell you – he’s taken.

Resume of Awesome

February 24, 2016 by Kathryn

This month, for the first time in 15 years, I applied for a job.*

It’s a strange thing, filling out an application, creating a resume. It’s your turn to tell your potential employer everything they need to know about you to make an informed hiring decision. They want to see what you can do.

Kathryn Thompson – Seattle-ish, Washington
Work Experience
-Not really much. I’ve worked less than I should have.
-Just kind of grunt work at various companies but not even that for several years
-Spotty freelance writing but I’ve been too lazy to make it a full time job
-Too busy volunteering to do any real work
-“Just” a mom
-Too fat to be a fitness model
-Too weak to build houses
-Too boring to host my own TV talk show
-Too lazy to finish editing my Great American Novel

Um… no. That is not how I wrote my resume. But, it’s easy to have a resume like this going on in your head. You focus on what you’re not doing, ways you’re not living up to your potential. But listing what you aren’t does not present an accurate picture of who you are. And besides, it’s lame with a great lameness.

If someone asked your name, would you say, “Not Ermengarde?” Would that be helpful?

No. It tells you practically nothing.

I am Kathryn. I’m a Canadian. I care deeply about people and I love old cheese. I am getting better and stronger all of the some of the time. I want to get better and stronger all of the all of the time. I look good in purple even though I’ve never liked that color. Yesterday I washed half of the dinner dishes even though I had other things I’d rather be doing. I go to bed on time every night… since Monday.

See? That’s a much better introduction, don’t you think?

When you’re writing a resume, you focus on the good because you want people to like you, to have confidence in your abilities, and to hire you to work and complete important tasks. You’re not lying by leaving out your missteps. You’re trying to give them an accurate picture of what you’re capable of.

Well, you need to continually give yourself an accurate picture of what you’re capable of. Do you want to like yourself, have confidence in your own abilities, engage yourself to work, complete tasks, and achieve goals? Then give yourself a Resume of Awesome.

Talk to yourself about who you really are, not who you think you’re not.

You may not be an expert fisherman but it doesn’t mean you can’t grill a mean salmon.

You may not be a perfect mom, but it doesn’t mean you can’t help your children feel loved when you next see them.

Be the best of who you are. Focus on the best of who you are. Who you aren’t… is not a thing.

*I’m not planning to go back to work full-time but I applied to be a substitute teacher because there’s a shortage right now. I’m having too much fun writing to do real work everyday.

Sometimes Good Food Tastes Good

February 22, 2016 by Kathryn

I’ve been dieting and REALLY NOT DIETING and then dieting again for most of my adult life. I fluctuate in size and in most other measures of health and I work hard to shield my kids from my food weirdness. However I’m sure I shield them less than I intend to and it’s not ideal.

I’m a vegan.

Nope. I’m Paleo.

I eat whatever I want, dangit!

Whole 30 for life.

Chocolavores unite!

What my kids see is just food. On the table. Some of it’s good. Some of it’s less so. They know I’m always cooking some weird new thing and they mostly accept it, although sometimes with grumblings and rumblings.

Often, when I’m trying something new, I make two complete meals, one for me that I tell the kids is to help my body be healthier, and one for them to keep them happy.

Currently I’ve stripped it back to a Drops of Awesome approach to diet and nutrition. I try to rack up as many good choices as I can and I don’t stress too much about the junk that slips in now and then. It’s working at the moment, in that I’m not stressed about food and it’s become like a game to see how many vegetables and tablespoons of flax seed I can consume each day.

So you’ll see my plate overflowing with roasted vegetables and chicken and my kids are piling up on white rice and cheese. Everyone’s happy.

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However, I was recently reading Jonathan Bailor’s book, The Calorie Myth, an exploration of hundreds of medical studies about how our bodies actually evolve with diet and exercise. It had a section about helping our kids form good habits with food and I thought, “If I’m trying to eat more vegetables, lean meats, and good fats because that’s the healthiest way to eat, why did I give up the battle of encouraging my kids to do the same?”

They may not be having problems with health or fitness now, but if they keep eating the way they are, they will have problems in their future. It’s a difficult thing to figure out because, if anything, my kids struggle with being underweight, so I feel justified filling them up with empty calories to bulk them up when what I should really be doing is helping them eat more, higher-quality foods.

The problem is, I’m willing to eat healthful food simply because I know it’s good for me. My kids expect things to taste good. So, the past couple of weeks I’ve been working on adapting favorite recipes to make them a few Drops of Awesome better for everyone. I’ve had some hits and some misses, but more hits and it’s encouraging.

Yesterday when the kids got home from school, rather than letting them get their usual bowl of breakfast cereal, I spread lettuce leaves with a Greek yogurt dip they like, filled them with sliced turkey breast and made little roll-ups. They all gave me the stink-eye at first. But every one of them ended up loving the new snack.

Then for dinner I took a family favorite, cheeseburger pie, made it crustless, and changed the topping. Instead of topping it with a bunch of cheddar cheese, I topped it with a little cheddar cheese, some low-fat cottage cheese, an egg and several egg whites, and broccoli florets.

I held my breath. This was a major overhaul. But they all, LOVED it. Even the pickiest, Wanda, asked for seconds. And in the family prayer, Magoo said he was thankful for all the yummy food I’d been making lately.

We’re making progress.

The cherry on the top came at lunch today when I surprised Wanda with leftovers. She hates leftovers on principle. However, today she was ecstatic to eat her “new favorite meal,” the healthier version of cheeseburger pie.

“I like this better than mac and cheese!” she said. High praise, my friends. “What’s the real name of this dinner? I want to know because last summer in swimming lessons my teacher had me yell out my favorite food when I did a cannonball at the end of class and if she has me do that again next summer, I want to yell, ‘THIS THING!’”

THIS THING, indeed. Drops of Awesome.

Seeking Ambassadors of Awesome!

February 18, 2016 by Kathryn

523 Ways to Be Awesome, the second Drops of Awesome book, is set to bounce April 5th from Familius and I would love some help getting the word out.

I would love that help from you.

I would love to appoint you as an Ambassador of Awesome.

Ambassadors of Awesome agree to do their best to do their duty to tell people about all the ways they are currently or can become Awesome.

If you’re an Ambassador of Awesome, you agree to receive email from me and the marketing team at Familius. The emails will contain Awesome Missions that we’d love your help with. Of course, you choose which Missions work best with your schedule and your network.

In exchange for your willingness to help with the launch, you will receive an advanced digital copy of the new book 523 Ways to Be Awesome and access to a private Ambassadors of Awesome Facebook page where we will all share positivity and have a great time together.

There will also be other giveaways and incentives exclusive to the launch team as April 5th gets closer.

If you’re interested in joining our team, please let us harvest your information below. We will never give your info to anyone besides our small team and we’ll try not to overwhelm your inbox with Awesome.

Please sign up below if you’d like to join us.

Simply Awesome – Valentine’s Day

February 10, 2016 by Kathryn

I love celebrating. I mean, you know I celebrate 100 times each day when I do something amazing like make my bed or unload a dish from the dishwasher. Drops of Aweseome! But the ever-escalating pinterest-amplified expectations for holidays leave me overwhelmed.

Here are a few tips for making Valentine’s Day special without going Pinsane.

1. Wear something red or pink – You don’t need to clean target out of very specific matching Be My Valentine holiday wear. Dig something red or pink out of a drawer and consider yourself festive.

heart-pancakes

2. Make heart-shaped pancakes. If you want to get really epic, add red food coloring to make them pink. Do you need a special As-Seen-On-TV heart-shaped pancake tool? Not so much. My special tool is called A Spoon. I use it to drizzle the batter in a fat V shape that then oozes into a sort of heart. And the crowd goes wild.

My favorite pancake mix is here. My favorite wheat pancake recipe is here.

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3. Write a love note. It can be on a sticky. It can be on a napkin. It can be on a text message. In a pinch it can be verbal.

4. If you have a couple of doilies, some metallic paint and about fifty heart-shaped plastic beads… oh… you don’t have any of those things? Never mind.

Have an Awesome Heart Day!

What Can You Bear to Do Today?

November 21, 2015 by Kathryn

Sometimes I can’t bear to clean the kitchen, but I can bear to fill the sink with water so the dishes will soak. So I do that. And the kitchen is one step closer to being cleaning. I find that breaking down my tasks into lists of tiny steps and choosing which one I can bear to do helps me be productive. This and more revolutionary, life-changing tips are available in my most recent post on HowDoesShe.com.

Can you bear to click this link? [click to read more]

Concert Despair

November 20, 2015 by Kathryn

Do you ever feel sad, angry, or bored when forced to sit through a middle school band concert? When the music starts, do you instantly feel thirsty or need a restroom break? Do your counting skills become weak when faced with the overwhelming task of counting down songs on a musical program, causing you to ask your mom over and over again, “Just one more, right?” only to have her respond that there are still seven songs left, as she told you at the beginning of this song and please stop talking because we’re at a concert?

This is called Concert Despair and it can happen to anyone. Usually more pronounced in young children, CD can also be experienced by teens and even adults. Adults whose uterine-fruit are not currently performing are especially vulnerable, as is frequently the case with parents of eighth graders while the sixth grade band is performing or the parents of non-jazz-band members when the jazz band plays and gives ten-measure solos to Every. Single. Child. in the band.

Symptoms include hunger, thirst, loud whining, bad posture, limp noodle disorder, numb bum, insatiable desire to use electronic devices, inability to count down from ten, and sudden brain flashes to all the things remaining on your to-do list.

If you or someone you love is experiencing Concert Despair, there is hope. From the creators of The Universe and Your Body, comes the cure for CD. It’s called Time.

Time is a fast acting (depending on your perspective), proven pain reliever. In fact, 100% of CD sufferers experienced elimination of all symptoms with Time. Time is available to everyone, usually found in one minute doses. With just sixty minutes of Time, you can conquer your Concert Despair.

Common side effects of Time include aging, changes in perspective, and weight gain. Do not take Time if the building is on fire or if you really REALLY need to pee.

How to Love Moms – A Self-Help Book for Other Six-Year-Olds

November 19, 2015 by Kathryn

Wanda is writing, writing, always writing. Sometimes she’s drawing but mostly writing these days. Where other kids are begging for video games or ice cream, Wanda begs for those things and paper, reams of paper, and fresh writing utensils. This kid can spend hours, actual literal hours sitting hunched over the table writing.

She writes my grocery lists and checks them off as we go.

She sits holed up at the table doing her entire week’s kindergarten homework packet the first day it’s assigned and when that’s done, she asks me if I can think of any more homework she can do. So I have her write letters. When she’s done writing letters, she writes books. Usually self-help books.

I don’t know how long this will last. But I love it. I love it to the point that sometimes it makes me cry. I will shriek with glee when I find one of her treasures lying around, shriek with glee and then drag Dan into the laundry room or back deck so we can giggle and squeal like prepubescent girls over the awesome literary prowess that is Wanda. I think she writes more words per week than I do.

The most recent book she wrote was a follow-up to her first self-help book, How to Treat People Kindly.

This one gets down to the specific, answering the age old question, How To Love Moms.

And she nails it.

[You can love your mom by helping do the dishwasher and maybe loving her and maybe cleaning up and maybe watering the plants. That is how you can be kind to your mom.]

Hard labor. That’s how you love moms. The end.

But she doesn’t just write self-help books.

You remember the sympathy card when I was prepping for the triathlon?

[Mom. I know that you can do the triathlon next year.]

Then there was the time her teacher asked all the kids to write the letters of the alphabet and Wanda had to add that special touch at the end because she wanted to make it clear that she DID know her ADCs. And she wanted people to seng.

Now, since the “criiathulon”, nearly every picture she’s drawn of me involves me running. I am a cute runner. And fierce.

However, Dan, who did not participate in any athletic events this year, had his picture drawn the same day as the one above, only apparently he didn’t run fast enough because he is burning alive with hot fire, which is also consuming his heart.

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At the beginning of the school year, Wanda got into trouble for repeatedly calling out in class. Being the youngest in a family where the other four people think you’re adorable to the point of writing blog posts about your doodles, you get used to not having to wait your turn to speak. If mom says, “Don’t interrupt,” you can always go interrupt your older siblings. It doesn’t work that way in public school. Every kid is the youngest and the cutest and every kid needs to learn to raise her hand and wait.

So after a particularly rough week at the beginning of the year, Wanda asked what she should do for homework and I said, “Write a note to your teacher about how you’ll try to do better tomorrow.” She produced this:

kid-writing17

[Mrs. M. I am so so so so sorry for shouting out in class. Tomorrow I will do better. On the back of the page there will be signs. ]

These are the signs:

[I will not shout in the classroom. Instead I will raise my hand. I will wait my turn. I will be patient. Love one another. Keep my hands to myself. I will listen to the teacher.]

Like Anne of Green Gables before her, she had a blast doing this penance. I like how she threw in some biblical verse for good measure. #loveoneanother #thoushaltnotkill

Speaking of church. These are her favorite songs:

[On a Golden Springtime and A Child of God.] Obviously.

She gets into these ruts. Or, more positively, if she were an artist, we’d call them “installations”. For a while every character she drew was wearing a Mexican wrestling mask.

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Then all of her people were happy shapes.

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Then everything was so so so so so so SO SO SO SO emphatic.

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She told me that the reason she was so much bigger in this picture was because Laylee and I were really really far away. Perspective. Nice. But why do I have crazy twig hands? Is that also because I’m so far away?

This next one reassures me that even though moms aren’t “people,” we are still worthy of love.

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[We love people AND our moms.]

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And I’m the best one she ever had. That’s ever, you guys.

When she gave me this note below, she said it was to show that she loves me whether I’m happy, sad, or mad.

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She always loves me and she always respects my feelings but if I’m sad, she… shoots an arrow through my chest. Or something. I think it’s sweet.

Here’s me running again, with Wanda. And as we run she wonders, “I wonder when I’m going to be 12.” Because Laylee is 12. And 12-year-olds get to do everything. I like that my name here is spelled like a high school cheerleader. “My name is Mommi, with an “i”.”

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The thought bubbles are part of a growing trend where all the people are expressing themselves in thoughts and words.

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The dragon here is expressing fire breath, which makes an “H” sound and the people are mostly screaming things like, “Aaaaaa!” “No no no no,” and “WITCH!” But one guy thinks it’s pretty “Kolle” or “Cool”. He’s the one smiling.

When one guy kicked the dangling smily/frowny/indifferent faced wind chimes, this girl was forced to ask herself, “Why kick?”

Most recently her obsession has been with stars. For two days she got all Beautiful Mind, drawing page after page after page of these:

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But then they got boring so she started to give them faces.

And weapons.

[I’m getting ready to explode. I have two grenades. We’re going to the park to face off.]

While I love this greatly, especially how happy they are about their impending celestial gang fight, my favorite star art is probably this one below. There are several things I appreciate about this piece. First of all, a few of the stars have faces like Bane from The Dark Knight Rises, which she has never seen. Secondly, two are on a plate. Thirdly, the others are surrounding them with swords, grenades, bows, arrows, forks and knives. The stars on the plate are saying, “OW. We’re on a plate. AAAAAA. We’re on a plate, yeah,” and the incoming cannibal stars are saying, “Ooooo. Dang it. I was hungry. I’M HUNGRY.” There is a lot to love here.

To her sister and her aunt she passed this note during church, “Guys. You are cool. So cool that the whole world could explode.” That’s a lot of cool. Like serious sub-zero conditions.

Sometimes she designs video game characters.

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This guy is 100 years old. [Your worst nightmare, the mouth. It does 100 damage. It also does one hundred and twenty damage.] Boom.

And she draws her favorite foods.

She likes to label things.

When she wrote her first long story about a year ago about her plan to sneak out on Christmas and see if Santa blessed her life with gumballs and a really favorite animal, we had no idea what was in store. I apologize to all the “chres” (trees) that give their lives to support her hobby but I just can’t bear to make her stop.

I have hundreds of these and I can’t really express how much I love them. The way you love that curl of baby hair you saved from your kid’s first haircut or the video of her smiling for the first time, or the memory of the time your middle schooler hugged you and said, “I’m so lucky to have you for a mom,” before remembering she’s a middle schooler. That’s how much I love her writing.

Maybe I should show her by emptying the dishwasher. That’s how you love people, right?Or does that only work for moms?

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