Archives for September 2016

Debate Night

September 29, 2016 by Kathryn

I let the kids stay up and watch a bit of the debate I’d DVRd on Monday night. Hillary vs. The Donald. My kids’ excitement at witnessing the event soon turned to incredulousness.

“Are you kidding me?” they said more than once.

Because, even in middle school, they understand basic civility and the need to give concrete evidence to back up your position. And we didn’t witness all that much of either.

Eventually, Dan suggested that we all talk over each other as loudly as possible for a couple of minutes to immerse ourselves in the spirit of the debate and then we sent them off to bed.

There are a few things I liked about this debate.

1. The debate. I like that we still hold debates. No matter how much one or both candidates plan and prepare, in a debate setting we get to see how they react to pressure, how quick they are on their feet, and how clearly and concisely they can state their position. Debates still hold value for me as a voter.

2. The split screen. I loved watching their reactions to each other on the split screen. You want a president with a good poker face sitting at the negotiating table across from Valdimir Putin.

3. No breaks or interruptions. I like that we don’t cut to commercial or give them downtime. The tension builds and the candidates get tired. And they have to deal with it. Watching the second half of a debate is especially telling.

There are a few things I disliked about this debate.

1. The candidates. I’m not a fan of either of these people personally or politically. I am a fan of America. That makes things difficult.

2. It felt like I was already watching the Saturday Night Live spoof of the debate. Both candidates almost seem like caricatures of themselves.

3. Implication by correlation. Have you ever noticed that in the debates, they imply things by correlation? Like listing how many people have been killed since President Obama has been in office. Well, how many people have eaten a burrito since Dan and I have been married? It’s sobering.

When I mentioned this on facebook, one friend said, “I think the more sobering question might be, ‘How many people haven’t eaten a burrito since you and Dan got married?’ Because eating burritos is happy, and not eating them is very sad.”

To this, I responded, “You’d need to fact check that on my website to be 100% sure. Maybe the 400 lb hacker ate them, leaving none for the 99% of Americans who got no burritos.”

I don’t love this election. I really don’t. But I love this country and I’m trying to be as informed as I can about all the candidates and issues and vote for who and what makes the most sense. This year I feel like my real power to make a positive difference comes on the local level. That’s probably where my real power lies every year.

I’m just glad I get to vote at all.

Don’t let frustration over the current candidates get you down. Don’t waste the gift. Remember how many people and issues are on the ballot, aside from the presidential race. Let your voice be heard. Vote!

Simply Awesome Fall Décor = Pumpkins

September 28, 2016 by Kathryn

Simply Awesome Fall Décor = Pumpkins

Here’s my problem with home décor. I love pretty things. I pin the heck out of all kinds of craft and decorating ideas on Pinterest.

And then I try to execute my visions and end up with a pinzaster of epic proportions.

Or, worse yet, I don’t do any decorating because when I look at Pinterest and see everyone’s beautiful homes, looking amazing and fancy and creative, I give up. I give up because I don’t have a perfect home, a billion dollars, 20 spare hours, and a design degree.

But you don’t have to have a perfect home, a billion dollars, 20 spare hours, and a design degree to bring a little bit of fall Awesome into your home. You can be festive in five minutes and then live your life.

As part of my Simply Awesome series, I want to talk about fall décor.

The trick is simple. It’s called pumpkins.

The End.

Seriously. I was walking into the grocery store when I saw a gorgeous display of bagged gourdes and I thought, “I’m working on my writing business these days. Too bad I don’t have the time to use some of these cute pumpkins and a bag of fancy things I don’t know the name of from Ben Franklin to decorate my house.”

And then I thought, “The heck?”

Pumpkins.

That is all.

You want to get a little festive for fall? Here’s a plan to follow:

Step 1. Throw some mini pumpkins in your grocery cart.

Step 2. Drive home.

Step 3. Put the pumpkins on shelves around your house.

Step 4. Blog about it.

Step 4 is optional.

Happy fall.

You’re welcome.

A Few Things You Don’t Need

September 26, 2016 by Kathryn

We all need air, water, food, shelter… and possibly cheese. But there are a few things you don’t need in your life.

You don’t need to be perfect to lift someone else.

This blog is sometimes stressful for me. I started out telling stories about my kids. I know my kids. I know how to tell stories. It worked. But the kids are getting older and their stories are their own. There are fewer and fewer family stories we are all comfortable with me telling on the internet.

If I was going to keep writing, I needed a new direction. And I love writing. I love connecting with other women online. And that one guy who reads my site. I like connecting with him too. His name is Dan. And he lives in my house. Re: eternal matrimony.

The most shared post I’ve ever written is Drops of Awesome. So I decided to change domains and build a site based on the stories and ideas I shared in that post. I wanted a site that would tell people that they are enough, that all their small acts of good are overwhelmingly important, and that they can change who they are for the better with one tiny choice.

In theory, this sounds like a great idea for a website and I am completely passionate about this topic. However, I’m frequently intimidated by the prospect of sharing advice or ideas with women who I know could teach me so much.

I have to constantly remind myself that I don’t have to be perfect to lift someone else. If I didn’t struggle with feelings of inadequacy or discouragement, I probably couldn’t write so passionately about this topic.

None of us are perfect. And we all need each other. So I keep writing.

What are you passionate about? You can start now to share that passion with others, to teach them what you know.

Don’t wait until you’re perfect to reach out and lift someone else. We need your light and influence in the world.

You don’t need to know everything to do something.

I procrastinate. A lot. And although sometimes this is due to laziness, it’s more often due to perfectionism. I don’t want to start a project until I have all the materials, know everything about how to do it perfectly, and feel confident I will not fail.

I almost never meet all of those conditions.

And so the crap I bought to put in my 72-hour kits sits in a box in the garage until the diapers and pull-ups hardly even fit my 13-year-old anymore.

Well, last week I decided to believe my mantra – You don’t need to know everything to do something. I put away all the lists and plans and books about making 72-hour kits. I stopped by the grocery store for some food items and then just got out everything I had and threw it in backpacks.

It took two hours.

To complete a project I’d been procrastinating for 10 years.

Is it perfect? Nope. But it’s a lot better than what I’ve had for the past decade. Is there something you’ve been dying to do but you’re waiting to know everything and be perfect? Stuff that thinking in a dark hole somewhere and just get her done.

You don’t need a huge amount of time to make a difference.

I feel better when I serve someone, when I make a difference in someone’s life. But I don’t have time to start a charitable foundation today or even hand out food to the homeless.

Sometimes I need to remember that although I may not have time or capacity to make a difference with a thousand strangers, I can always make a difference to an individual.

Have you ever smiled at a child you don’t know in the elementary school office and seen her face light up? How about letting someone ahead of you in traffic? That might not save a life but it might restore the other driver’s faith in human kindness just a bit.

If you don’t have time to make a quilt for your niece’s birthday, send her a card. If you don’t have time to address and mail a card, text her or call her while you’re grocery shopping.

We are all busy. But some of the things that have made the biggest difference to me took almost no time at all. A text message telling me my friend was thinking about me all the way in Portland. An encouraging smile and nod from a neighbor who sat on the front row of my book talk and signing last weekend. Office staff who greet me warmly whenever I stop by the elementary school.

We can all do more of this junk. And it will feel amazing.

Bucket of Awesome – First Home

September 24, 2016 by Kathryn

Write about the first home you ever remember living in. Where was it located? Who lived there? What color were the walls? How did it feel? What did you love about your first home?

The first home I remember was located in a semi-sketchy part of town. We lived in government-assisted housing while my dad finished grad school. However, I was oblivious to any problems with our living arrangements. I loved that apartment and my mind floods with happy memories when I picture those green and white checkered curtains and the grassy area in the middle where we would play.

Your first home might not have been ideal, but focus on what was good about it. A favorite room? A favorite person you lived with?

Where did your Awesome journey begin?

**We can change our lives by how we tell our stories. Journal along with me as I excavate my past for the joy, the goodness, the Awesome. When we’re done, we’ll have a whole Bucket of Awesome, a story to inspire the people we love, and a brighter perspective of who we really are.**

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links. This means, I may receive a small commission if you choose to purchase something from a link I post. Don’t worry, it costs you nothing but it helps keep the Awesome flowing. Thanks!

A Prayer For My Ancestors

September 22, 2016 by Kathryn

My kids have a hard time with prayers. Because they’re kids. And God is invisible to them. I think they believe. But they sure can’t see him. So when they pray, at least out loud, they just say the stuff they think they’re supposed to say. I don’t get the impression they’re really talking to anyone.

The younger they are, the more this is the case. They sort of mumble and repeat themselves and repeat me and their dad. Sometimes it’s mortifying to hear myself echoed and I think, “Wow. I’ve just been phoning it in recently.”

A few common phrases:

“Thank thee for this day” – My kids ALWAYS never don’t thank Heavenly Father for the day. It is the number one thing they are thankful for. I guess it makes sense. One more day on earth. It’s worth a shout out. But every day? Some days straight up eat rocks. On those days, I prefer to thank him for making tomorrow a new day, Scarlet O’Hara-style.

“Thank thee we had a great day today and thank thee that we’ll have a great day tomorrow” – I love this. On first hearing, you might think my kids could see the future, like they already KNOW tomorrow is gonna be great. Or you might think they were optimists, like they just have a feeling it’s gonna be great.

Personally, I think they are coercing the Man Upstairs, as in, “If I say it’s gonna be great, then he has to make it great because he’s already been thanked. He has no choice at this point.” It’s like saying, “Mom, thanks for putting gummy worms in my lunch box tomorrow. I’m going to really enjoy eating those.”

“We’re grateful for all our many blessings” – this one’s definitely a cop-out. I can’t think of a single specific thing I’m thankful for so I’ll just say this and it will cover everything. It’s like writing a thank you note at Christmas that says, “Thanks for the presents. Presents are my favorite.” Really? Which presents. Is this even a human person writing this note?

Well, we asked Wanda to give the prayer in primary on Sunday. That’s our church children’s meeting and I’m in charge of said meeting. So I’m always nervous when she gives a prayer. I never know what she’ll say, besides the above-mentioned phrases.

She stepped up to the microphone. It was a pretty normal prayer, and impressive really, because she added a few extra things that made it seem like she was actually thinking about what she said and trying to talk to God. My favorite was the last line though, “Please help all our ancestors who are sick to feel better.”

Now, I’ve never heard her say the word “ancestors” before and I’m not 100% sure she knows what it means. Her grandma’s been sick this week but I’d count her more a “relative” than an “ancestor.”

No, if Wanda’s ancestors are sick, I’m pretty sure there’s not a lot of hope for recovery at this point.

Sorry, great grandma Matilda!

Do Something Good

September 19, 2016 by Kathryn

On days when I exercise, I’m much less likely to snarf a huge bowl of Mac and Cheese for lunch. On those big workout days, I tend to eat more veggies, lean meats and whole grains.

It’s not because I think, If got up at Stupid o’clock in the morning to burn 800 calories on a spin bike, I’m not going to eat back that entire amount in cheesy carbs!

It’s generally because I feel awesome about working out and I want to keep that high going. It’s about momentum and it’s about tasting victory.

One good choice in my life almost always leads to another good choice because doing good feels… what’s a good word to use here? AWESOME!

If I wake up and train like an athlete, then I feel all athlety and fierce and it’s only natural that I’ll want to fuel my athletic body with the right kind of fuel.

Choosing to be athletic makes me feel like an athlete. And when I feel like an athlete, I act like an athlete.

The same goes for my parenting. If I make a conscious effort to reach out to one of my kids and ask about his day, then I’m a nicer mom in our next interaction. I feel closer to him. We understand each other better.

Choosing to be nice makes me feel like a nice mom. And when I feel like a nice mom, I act like a nice mom.

So what do you want to be like today? Do one thing that a person like that would do. Savor how it feels and let that momentum carry you away on a pillowy cloud of Awesome.

Take one step forward. Do something good today.

Bucket of Awesome – First Love

September 17, 2016 by Kathryn

Who were the first people that loved you? Maybe you knew someone loved you right at birth and maybe not until years later. It’s okay. This is your story, not anyone else’s.

When was the first time you knew you were loved? That’s a kind of birth in itself, right? How did you know you were loved? If this love happened at an age earlier than your brain can reliably remember, have you heard stories about things others did for you to show love?

A Tiresome Day

September 15, 2016 by Kathryn

A few weeks ago I took Wanda and Magoo into the next town over to get some new tires put on the Swagger Wagon. The next town over is awesome. It has a Wal Mart and a movie theatre and a state prison. It has a cute downtown main street district, almost like our town, but with more snazzy jammie retailers, tattoo parlors, smoke shops and places that will pay you cash for gold.

We chose a mom and pop tire shop over the big retailers because we like to support local business and they were much cuter on the phone AND equipped to do both the tire install and the alignment in one visit. Their prices were almost competitive. And they said they could get it done in a little over 2 hours.

So we dropped off the car at 11am and they told me it might take a biiiit longer than they had originally thought. That’s cool, I thought. We’ll walk over the train tracks, along the busy highway, and past several strip malls to the movie theatre and catch a show.

Although the next town over has a dollar store, it does not have Uber. Weird, right?

The walk to the theatre was a little over a mile, my longest distance since the surgery. Woot. And we had a great lunch of nachos, popcorn, and slushies while we watched The Secret Life of Pets. Good. Not great. The kids loved it.

We stopped by the grocery store to pick up a few things, walked past a couple of loudly screaming teens with expletives on their t-shirts, enjoyed the sun, and carried our groceries the mile back to the tire store, by way of a couple of very cool little vintage shops.

Altogether, kind of an awesome day, a bit weird, but awesome. However, it had been three hours and I had super ripe peaches at home waiting to be canned. It was time to get this show on the road.

But the car wasn’t done.

So we stalled at a used book store and bought a few things. They were serving Slytherin Iced Tea in honor of the new Harry Potter Play. Nice people. And when I said we were waiting for our tires to get done, the bookstore owner looked at me appraisingly and said, “The Big Chain Store or Mom and Pop.”

He approved of my choice.

But the tires still weren’t done.

So, to round out our Next Town Over-ish day, we stopped at 7-11 for boxed hot dogs and microwaved burritos. The hot dog box said, “100% Delicious” and Dan later asked Wanda if those words were true.

“Not really,” she said, “Maybe 99%?”

But the kids were 100% awesome. Because we spent the next couple of hours in the shop waiting room. It smelled like a mechanic shop and flies were buzzing everywhere. And the seats were old and dirty.

But Magoo could not get over how comfortable they were. And Wanda happily did magic tricks to herself with an old deck of cards while I read my book.

At one point the mechanic invited me back to show my why he was having trouble getting the alignment right and asking if he could put some after-market parts on the car to help it out a bit. He was kind. And he explained things well. And everyone in the shop treated us like we were family.

When it was time to go, about 6 hours after we’d originally dropped off the car, the elderly owner of the shop pulled my kids aside and lovingly told them how special they were.

“And do you know how you get special kids?” he asked.

They smiled sheepishly and shrugged.

“With very special parents.”

He gave me a warm smile and handed each of the kids an intricately detailed die cast car. They were thrilled. And they are special kids. It’s strange to say, but it was one of the best days I’ve had in a while. Just hangin’ out in a Podunk downtown, eating at the Sev with my peeps.

And the lateness of the hour saved me from having to can peaches in the heat of the day. It was not hot at midnight as I finished up the last batch.

As we left tire shop, my special son informed me that my special daughter had put stuffed her special trash into one of the towers of tires. So I got to stand on a chair and do a handstand inside the tires to fish it out.

Special times.

A bit tiresome. But special, nonetheless.

Bucket of Awesome: Your Life’s More Amazing Than You Realize

September 12, 2016 by Kathryn

We are all storytellers.

Every day in little ways we each tell the stories of our lives. We tell them to others. Sometimes we write them down. Mostly, we repeatedly tell them to ourselves.

And how we tell them makes a HUGE difference in how we see ourselves.

We decide which stories get told over and over again. The more we tell them, the more important they become in the canon of who we are.

We decide how we tell them. The tone of our stories becomes the tone and direction of our lives.

Which stories will you choose to tell?

So many amazing things have happened in my life. There have been incredibly hard things too. Which stories do I focus on? Which stories receive my time and attention?

Do you know one of those people who is always ready with a tale of disaster and heartache?

“How was your day?” you ask.

She rolls her eyes and settles into a long and tragic story about how it’s been the worst day of her life and everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. She does this every time you speak to her.

I know other people who always seem in a great mood. When I ask them what they’ve been up to, they usually tell me about some success or joyful experience. They are genuinely happy and, in contrast to the first type of person, it seems that their lives are overflowing with Awesome.

Is the second friend just luckier than the first friend? Does she just live a charmed life? I don’t think so. I know we all have a broad range of experiences and some weeks are harder than others. Some lives are harder than others. But in many cases, our lives are as happy as we decide they will be.

When we choose to spend the majority of our time telling uplifting stories or simply finding the uplift in our difficult stories, we and everyone around us will be inspired.

How will you tell your story?

When I look back at my experiences with postpartum anxiety and depression, I can see myself as a victim, or a loser, or a hero who overcame something awful and used the experience to make positive changes in my life.

My view of this has changed over the years. Today I choose to think of myself as going through something earth-shattering and then being miraculously preserved so I could emerge stronger and kinder than I was before.

If that’s my story, then it informs everything I do. I’m on a hero’s journey. If I see myself as a victim, that will inform everything I do as well.

I internalize that story. I tell it. I refine it. I become it.

If your life is a Bucket, you decide what you will fill it with. I’m aiming to have a Bucket of Awesome.

How can I fill my Bucket of Awesome?

Over the coming weeks and months, I want us to do an experiment together. On Saturdays I will post a journal prompt. As we work through these prompts, we will choose what stories to tell and how to tell them.

We can change our lives by how we tell our stories. Journal along with me as I excavate my past for the joy, the goodness, the Awesome. When we’re done, we’ll have a whole Bucket of Awesome, a story to inspire the people we love, and a brighter perspective of who we really are.

Will you fill your Bucket of Awesome with me?

Maybe it Wasn’t ADD

September 9, 2016 by Kathryn

It happened.

After 13 years of parenting little people, I no longer have a lunch buddy, a grocery buddy, or a pound on the door while I go to the bathroom buddy. For 6 hours. Every. Single. Weekday.

Starting this week, my kids are all in school fulltime.

I’ve had wild emotional mood swings about this.

Last year when I chose to only put Wanda in half-day kindergarten, it had a little to do with money, but mostly it was about – I wasn’t ready yet. She was ready. SO SO ready. But I couldn’t bear to let go of my last little friend for that many hours each day.

I knew I’d miss her, miss my role as a fulltime stay-at-home mom.

Motherhood is my favorite thing. Gratitude is not a strong enough word to describe how I feel about being a mom.

But it is brutal sometimes. And it is not cessant. Even a little bit.

Halfway through the school year last year, I started to get excited. Wanda was overripe for full day school at that point and I found myself daydreaming about all the things I’d accomplish when I had more uninterrupted time.

I could write a novel worth publishing. I could go back to school and become a doctor or an astronaut. I could even find out what it feels like to finish a thought before being interrupted.

I’ve been a casual on-again/off-again writer and blogger for ten years, periodically taking on too much freelance work. Then I would scale way back when I realized I was incapable of being a great working mom of young kids.

My blog has gone through periods of large readership, but things are quiet around here these days. I just haven’t had the time and focus to give it.

As I contemplated my new free time and all the ways I could fill it, I started to get really excited. I was ready. I could do this. I was simply moving into a new chapter of my life and I might love it.

Then a couple of weeks ago I went online to pay school fees.

And there was a box by Wanda’s name.

For lunch money.

I was overcome with sadness. It was sadness that she would be eating lunch with someone other than me. Sadness that a hugely important phase of my life was ending. My identity for the past 13 years was gone. I grieved.

So I didn’t know what to expect this week as the kids headed off to school.

Would I be sad? Would I be lonely? Would I be bored?

I doubted I’d be bored. I’d spent the entire summer (whenever I wasn’t having emergency surgery) making a business plan for all the writing and marketing I was going to do this year. But maybe I’d be depressed or lacking in motivation to follow through. That scared me.

The morning of the first day of school, Wanda was eating breakfast while I read. She called my name.

I looked up to see a concerned expression on her face.

“What’s wrong, Wanda?”

She eyed me with pity.

“When I leave for school today, the only one you’ll have to talk to is Cortana.”

(We’re a Windows Phone family. Cortana is my personal digital assistant. Like Siri’s big sister.)

To her, that was a horrible prospect. Me, sitting alone at a table, my head in my hands, repeatedly saying, “Cortona, tell me a joke.”

I walked her to school. I had a nice walk home. I showered in silence.

Then I got in the car to run an errand and this feeling welled up inside my chest, a feeling I hadn’t been expecting.

Total, pure, bubbling JOY.

I can do this. In my worry and sadness about turning in my full time stay-at-home mom badge, it hadn’t occurred to me that I would be getting another badge back. KATHRYN. I was overcome with this feeling of reclaiming a part of myself that I willingly surrendered many years ago.

I am autonomous.

I am free.

I am simply Kathryn for six whole hours each day.

And I love it.

I have gotten so much done in the past three days. I can’t even believe it.

Lately I’ve been talking to my doctor about the possibility that I might have ADD. My thoughts have been so scattered and I’ve had such a hard time finishing tasks and following through.

My kids just started school fulltime and I realized – maybe I don’t have ADD. Maybe I just have children.

I think my explosion of productivity can be explained this way – In the past, when I’ve had an hour to work on a blog post, what I’ve really had is:

5 minutes to work on a blog post

6 minutes to have my hair styled like a princess

3 minutes to work on a blog post

5 minutes to notice the pirate booty on the floor and pick it up before it got ground into the carpet

10 minutes to work on a blog post

15 minutes to kiss the invisible owie and find the band-aids because IT JUST FEELS LIKE BLOOOOD

3 minutes to work on a blog post

And then 13 minutes to figure out how the Octonauts were possibly going to rescue the Humuhumunukunukuapua’a

Now, when I have an hour to work on a blog post, I have AN HOUR TO WORK ON A BLOG POST.

And I miss my kids. But that just makes it more fun to see when they get home each afternoon. Missing them is not the worst thing in the world. I’m genuinely delighted to see them when they come home.

Enjoying this phase of life doesn’t take away from how much I adored being home and raising my kids full time. Some of my most precious memories were made during those times and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

Today as I drove home from volunteering at the school, I saw a mother with her toddler, standing by the construction site. They were holding hands and engrossed in the digger truck action. I felt a twinge in my chest and thought, “I don’t do that anymore.”

But I like this time too. I’m coming to believe that there are seasons enough in our lives for all the good things we want to do. We just need to look for the beauty in the one we’re in and be present so we can make the most of it.