Drops of Awesome

I was greatly maddened today when my sister, in the throws of a hard mommy day, accused me of having a house that’s “always perfectly clean.” I like my house to be neat it’s true, but if I ever become one of “those people,” you have my permission to smash a large melon over my head and then wipe it all over my carpet. Then proceed to commit me to a mental institution because with 2 kids under the age of 3, are you kidding me? There is no real excuse for the state of my house today except – I’m having a great day. Today is a day of cuddling, napping, stories, playing and blogging. So here, for my sister’s enjoyment are the pictures I took while I was on the phone with her (btw, today was supposed be laundry day):

Sorry to my Mom, Dan, and anyone else who taught me better or gets to come home and live here later this evening. I may clean it all up one day but right now I’m playing with the kids. (Well, right now I’m posting embarrassing pictures of my house. Stop yelling at me!)

“He did start tilting to the side by the time we finished and as we left the grocery store, our hip black grandma checker gave Magoo mad props for his sweet ‘gangsta lean’.”

That Lady was so funny. She was wearing these super-glam glasses with gold and rhinestones on the side. I was so proud of my little gangster.

Kelly has asked us to look back to on past entries. She says:

Fun with your archives.
The rules:
1. Go into your archive
2. Find your 23d post
3. Find the fifth sentence (closest to)
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog with these instructions
5. Tag five other people to do the same.

My modifications: Consider yourself tagged, oh my readerly friends. Also for my friends who don’t blog or are new to blogging, go to the sent mail folder of your email account, go to your 23rd email and post the 5th line in the comments section of my blog. Tell us a story. Thanks Kelly. This was fun.

First of all, Laylee says today is Ducky’s birthday. Either it’s a desperate ploy to get cake or she just loves him and wants him to have a special day. Either way — CUTE! This is his 3rd birthday so far this month. My, he’s aging gracefully.

In other news, I feel like I got hit by a truck. My friend Sandra and I started walking again this morning. After a 4 month break while my hips relocated themselves somewhere around my pelvic region, we’re at it again. We get up at *like 6:30am and walk for health and friendship in the ‘crisp’ fall air. We’ve been doing this for a couple of years now and we say we love it when we’re not actually doing it and somehow we’re crazy enough or guilt-ridden enough to get up each morning and not leave the other person waiting in the dark.

We always pass an impossibly tiny miniature woman who must be training for a marathon so hard that she has lost all of her actual flesh. We like Tiny Woman and it was comforting to see her this morning after so many months apart. There is also the little old man with the cane who shuffles along and greets us with a cheerful grin. We see him at the playground some mornings doing exercises on the swings.

One of my neighbors walks nearly all the time to control her depression, however she’s always cheerful and nice to me when I see her out and about, sometimes with hand weights, sometimes freestyle. She waves and smiles from under her green hooded jacket.

The strangest of all is purple-shirt-man. He runs every morning (I’m talking about real-morning, sometime around 10:00am, not why-are-you-sick-enough-to-be-walking-in-the-MIDDLE-OF-THE-BLEEPIN-NIGHT-?-morning) past my house……over and over and over again. I’ve counted him doing it as many as 10 times in one stretch and those are just the times I happen to glance over and see him. I don’t spend all day staring out the front window like a zombie. He has really good posture, too good posture. He never smiles and never moves his torso. He wears a skin-tight purple shirt and stares straight ahead.

During the weeks following Magoo’s birth when my anxiety was really high, I was truly scared of purple-shirt-man, thinking he was stalking our house. But then I realized that he never looks our way, or any way for that matter. I’m not sure if he’s a person or just some sort of bot, running a circle around our block to advertise purple shirts. I’ll try to take a picture of him some time.

In the mean time, I’d love to hear your stories of interesting people you’ve seen roaming around your neighborhood. Tell me about them and you will get…..a ducky birthday cookie.

*6:30 is when the alarm goes off for the first time. I don’t actually get out the door until around 6:50.

Your bowl sits next to me on the counter where I do my computer work. As you’ve seen, I’ve been catching up on projects and correspondence most of the afternoon. You swim around and play and as I catch your movement from the corner of my eye, I glance your way and we look at each other as though we’ve reached some secret understanding. I alternate between feelings of strange fishy companionship (you really are a good listener) and annoyance that there is yet another person in my house who refuses to nap and won’t stop moving.

It’s Official. We are old married people. We finally used (include in that returned or gave away) the last wedding gift from our marriage almost 4 years ago. Oh thou lovely pewter soup tureen, welcome to our family. With your help, I feel as though our marriage has now truly begun in earnest. You added so much class to our chile beans the other night that we can only ask ourselves why? Why have we not used you sooner? (besides the fact that you are purely decorative and pulling you out means washing yet another dish.)

We also have a new addition to our family. Jack the Beta Fish seems to be fitting in quite well. Before Dan and I were married we vowed never to have a cat or dog — too much work. I told him I could only make said blood-oath if he promised to be the one to tell little Timmy that he couldn’t have his heart’s one true desire. Dan said he had no problem with that. We’ll see how that all plays out as our “little Timmys” get older and more pitiful in their requests.

Today I took Little-C to the “mini-zoo” (read this PetCo) after finishing with our doctor’s appointment. Dr. Nancy asked Little-C if she ever went to the zoo and I thought, “Wow, it’s been a while.” So a quick stop to mini-zoo was in order. We said “hi” to the ferrets and parakeets, even the “so so cute” mice (trying to overcome a rodent phobia here) and ended up in the back with the Nemo fish.

She didn’t even have to ask. I just caved on my own.
C: “Look, it’s the FISHEEEEYS!”
Me: “Hey, Little-C, would you like a fish of your very own to take home?”
C: (eyes bugging out of her head, mouth dropping open, lets out a whisper) “yeesss”

So she named him Jack, one of the names rejected in the hospital when Big-O was born. We had planned to name him Jack after Dan’s Grandpa but a nurse in the hospital was kind enough to say, “Yeah, Jack’s a great name. It’s really popular now. I bet almost half the boys born here get named that.” So, moving on we named our son after a major tire retail chain.

Speaking of the O, he is rolling around the living room as I type this, bonking into things.
Roll
Roll
Roll
Laugh
Roll
Roll
Roll
BONK!
AHHHH! WAHHHHHHH!
Soothing and comforting by moi.
“Roll, Roll, Roll, BONK!” I say
O laughs hysterically
I put him down
Repeat…..and fade……..

Dear Female Members of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir:
For years I have loved your music. I grew up with you as a fixture in my life, especially around Christmas time and have enjoyed listening as you’ve evolved and improved. In recent years since President Hinckley threw down the gauntlet, encouraging you to be a little better, sing a little more choiry and stand with a little more posture (I don’t remember his exact words), you’ve really stood up to the challenge. I find myself enjoying your music more and also admiring your beautiful billowy dresses.

Your dresses are the reason for my letter today.
For years one of the funnest parts of General Conference has been a game I play with friends and family called “Guess What Color Dresses the MoTab Ladies Will be Wearing for Each Session of Conference.” It is a fabulous game, a game which I have rarely won but at which I always enjoy trying my hand.

You are so tricky. Just when I think I have a pattern figured out, you switch things around and I am left in confusion, “How could they wear white for Sunday morning? I thought they always wore red.” I have enjoyed the way you playfully mix it up to keep me and my friends guessing but this October Conference I feel you have taken things too far and you must be stopped.

Friday night my husband and I made our predictions. White for Dan, blue for me. When your clear and beautiful voices rang out Saturday morning, we rushed to the TV where I conceded victory to Dan, thinking that you were clad in billowy white chiffon. As the camera zoomed in however, we could see that your dresses were indeed pale blue. I had WON! And so we made our guesses for the next day. I chose majestic red and Dan chose to play the odds by going with white for the second straight day.

Much to our chagrin we woke up Sunday morning to find you wearing blue AGAIN! Aren’t there rules about this sort of thing? Don’t you have any feelings of sportsmanship or fair play? No one could have called blue two days in a row and you made it impossible for anyone to win. I know you’re probably just trying to make us work harder, to make the game more challenging, but there comes a point where it’s so hard that it’s just not fun anymore. Please consider this as you choose your wardrobe for April.

Yours Sincerely,
Kathryn

Don’t you love it when you’re right? Like when you tell everyone “This baby seems really big.”
Everyone: Yes, everyone says that.
You: No, this time it’s different.
Everyone: The second time people always think the baby’s bigger.
You: No, I have stretch marks from my knees to my lower lip and can hardly walk.
Everyone: Uh-huh, yes. That’s what they say.
You: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Everyone: Oh, my! He’s stuck in the birth canal, he’s really wedged in there. This baby might be larger then we thought.
You: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Everyone: OH! Get some help. We may have to break some bones to get him out.
You: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
Everyone: Why didn’t we know he’d be this big? This kid is 10 ½ lbs!!!
You: Aaah-HAH!

Not that this happened to me 4 months ago or anything. I’m just saying. Anyway, today was also a day of vindication. Since Big-O was born, I’ve been telling everyone that he looks a lot like my dad but no one believed me. I can understand this because my dad is 5’11’, a fairly big guy and wears a full rugged beard. Big-O is 27”, ‘only’ weighs 18lbs and never even needs to shave. However, I knew that behind all that hair, my dad was hiding a face that very much resembled my son.

So today for the first time in years, my dad shaved his beard clean off. As he caught his own reflection in the mirror, he said, “Wow, I look like Big-O!”

Me: Aaah-HAH!

Here’s some evidence:

In some sad vindication news:
Dan is always telling me to follow the instructions and not sleep with the heating pad on. When he says this, what I hear is, “Yadda yadda blah blah, I’m afraid of burning myself on a lukewarm piece of plastic covered in a protective flannel blanket.” Well, sadly he was vindicated today when my mom called to say she had burned her back on her heating pad. The burns are so bad that large blisters have formed, the last one popping painfully as we spoke. Ummmm……guess I was wrong……for once……how big was that baby again?

I finally moved Big-O out of his infant carrier which he outgrew 2-months ago. This was scary because it meant I would have to hold him while doing my grocery shopping since he’s only 4-months old and there are no built-in infant carriers on the carts with the car attached to the front. Little-C must have one of these. Surprise surprise though, when you’re as big as a nine month old and have the strength of a 6-month old, you can totally sit up, strapped into the front of the cart. Yay!

He did start tilting to the side by the time we finished and as we left the grocery store, our hip black grandma checker gave Big-O mad props for his sweet “gangsta lean.” It’s funny what things will make you proud when you’re a mom.

It brought me back to those crazy days as a high school senior, driving around in my homey Dana’s maroon Taurus with the windows rolled down, slumping to the side to crank up the volume on the Warren-G. Sweet memories.

So, last night my marriage was just what I though it would be in my naive younger days, a never-ending sleepover party with my best friend. We were trying to get ready for bed but could not stop laughing. EVERYTHING was funny. I love when I can make him giggle like a wee school girl.

At one point, I was laying in bed next to Dan, we had finally calmed down and were “ready to sleep.” His eyes were closed so, of course, I thought it would be a good idea to get my face as close to his as possible with my eyes open, freakishly, horror movie-ishly wide. He opened his eyes, jumped a few inches and we started laughing again.

It was then I remembered being an annoying young tween who would do the same thing to my older sister to scare her in the night. There are some ages when you will do just about anything to drive your siblings mental. I’m not proud of it and I’m certainly not looking forward to it with my own children but it’s a part of my history so just accept me for me, okay? Gosh! Actually, I’m sure my kids will be above such things.

Anyway, when the night-time staring stopped having an effect on her, I decided it would be even scarier and more annoying if I hovered over her with my tongue pointed at her eye like a dagger. Then when she opened her eyes, “AHHHHHHH!” It worked. Really well. So of course I decided to try it out on Dan.

Me: Close your eyes again.
D: Why?
Me: I want to do something even scarier. Just close ’em
D: What are you gonna do?
Me: Just close ’em till I’m ready
D closes his eyes.
Me: Uncontrollable giggling, practically the pregnant laugh**
D: are you doing it yet?
Me: No, I’m laughing too hard.
I finally get into position as he waits with his eyes closed in dread. My little tongue dagger is just millimeters away from his waiting eye.
D: Are you ready yet?
Me (laughing again): I’m sticking my tongue towards your eye like a dagger. I can’t do it if you keep asking me questions! I will get into position. Then you ask me if I’m ready and I will squeeze your arm once for yes or twice for no. (and you thought two-year-olds were immature)
D: Okay

The rest is sort of anticlimax. It’s not quite as scary or annoying if you’re:
a) expecting it
b) a willing participant
c) not an older sibling who knows she’s too mature for these games or
d) already giggling like a school girl.

*Little-C’s term for yesterday night.
**There is a very special laugh I get when I’m pregnant. It has never been duplicated when I’m not with child. It has no known rational trigger but when it happens, it doesn’t stop for several minutes, sometimes on and off for hours whenever I think about the trigger. It is always accompanied by tears.

The consequence for willfully throwing peas on the floor at dinner time and refusing to eat is — you get no treats at family home evening….. even if you helped make the brownies. How did I know that her pea throwing was willfull? Well announcing, “I’m throwing peas,” with a gleeful smile and a look of defiance in her eyes was a big hint. So I calmly let her know that she would be getting no FHE treats.

The lesson was on “understanding and being kind to those who are different” and we started with a scripture from Luke:

As ye would that men should do to you do ye also to them likewise. [Luke 6:31]

I explained to Little-C that this meant we needed to treat others the way we would like to be treated. She glanced towards the yummy-smelling kitchen, looked up at me mournfully and said, “I want to be treated!”

Conclusion — she still got nothing, but she did make me feel just a wee bit sorry for her.