Drops of Awesome

This is how wives tales and urban legends get started.

A while ago, Laylee and I were having a conversation and she COULD NOT concentrate on what I was saying because I kept closing my eyes.

Me: No I’m not.
Laylee: Yes you are. Please STOP!
Me: I’m just blinking.
Laylee: Please don’t do it. Look at me.

I then proceeded to give an increasingly dire account of what would happen if people didn’t blink to protect the moisture in their eyes. She still wanted me to stop. I finally ended the conversation by telling her that if people didn’t blink, then their eyes would shrivel up and fall out. Since she likes me to have eyes for things like reading stories and finding princess crowns, she decided I could keep them.

That was a couple of months ago.

Yesterday we were at the chiropractor, when the musculoskeletal diagram caught her attention.

Laylee: Hey mom! See that pirate? He’s got no EYES!
Me: Hmmm…
Laylee [matter-of-factly]: It’s because he never blinked and then they fell out. That’s sad. I try to blink sometimes in front of Magoo to teach him that he needs to moisturize.

Well halle-doodly-lujah! Any day now I expect to find her rubbing Oil of Olay into his sockets.

And mostly because Tuesdays have become days of insanity where my head repeatedly exands and contracts on the verge of explosion, Tip Tuesday is morphing into Weekend Tip-Off. It will be up and running this Saturday. I hope you still come by and play.

Why is it fun to get out every toy in the house, even if you don’t plan on playing with any of them? Do you know what playing is? Does it involve throwing things all over the floor faster than I can pick them up, laughing and then unplugging the vacuum just as I get to that satisfying green-light-means-dirt-all-gone stage?

Wasn’t this carpet new 6 months ago?

Will the various parts of my house ever EVER be clean all at the same time again? No, I’ll settle. Will my main floor ever EVER be clean all at the same time again? On second thought, please do not answer this question.

Why don’t I sit out on my front bench more often? I made this bench and have never really sat on it. I want to be a front porch lurker, a “Yoo-hoo” caller and a Postum sipper. I think I’ll start tomorrow.

If it looks like snow, but sounds like rain, what is it? And more importantly, will it stop my postal carrier from bringing my Lube-Oil-Filter coupons tomorrow because I really need more Lube-Oil-Filter coupons?

I just sat down at the computer and had an almost uncontrollable desire to type in the URL www.cheesecake.com. I know that’s not a question. I think I was maybe just asking your permission to do it.

Hold please.

Okay. I went over there. It looks good. Skinny Al Roker endorses it. It tastes like plastic when sampled via the internet. Don’t waste your time. Now if jolly Al Roker had endorsed it, maybe.

We’re all snowed and iced in around here.

Dan’s playing computer games. I’m blogging paying bills. Magoo’s reading sonnets. Seriously, this book of Shakespeare’s Sonnets is his favorite.

When asked to describe the snow, Laylee said it was “frosty”, “melt-able” and “skate-able.”

I made a snow angel and she made a “kid angel.”

We’re having the coldest Seattle night in 8 years tonight (almost as cold as an average winter day in Calgary). We have at least 2 inches of snow so Dan’s entire office took a snow day. The schools are all closed and kids are sledding down our cul-de-sac until they run into the garage door at the bottom.

Good times. Maybe we’ll do a Tip Tuesday tomorrow.

One of my sillier film school projects, I thought this script was appropriate to get you pumped for the big sales. Have a fabulous Thanksgiving and be grateful. I know I am. Peace out.

-Kathryn

EXT. MERVYN’S DEPARTMENT STORE – BEFORE DAWN

SAMANTHA, JULIA and DANIEL approach the massive line that is circling around the deparment store. Puffs of breath can be seen rising from all the shoppers into the dark sky. 22 year old SAMANTHA, bundled in a large blue parka with pink earmuffs and huge mittens and boots, smiles as they walk down the line, looking for the end. 10 year old DANIEL is dressed similarily and follows closely on her heals, swaggering like a gangster. They are followed at a distance of about 5 feet by a dead-looking JULIA, age 16….

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In an email about the Day After Thanksgiving sales, a friend asked me to do a Tip Tuesday about it. She said:

This is the first time I’m going to brave the crazy American tradition and I’m not sure how to do it. I have specific items I need and have no clue which stores to go to. I don’t get the newspaper and my husband refuses to watch commercials so I feel pretty much [lost] to know which store will have my “must have” item and do I really need to go at 4:30 in the morning and stand in line with a bunch of other people who will probably be heading for the same stinking department as me?

Here are a few of my tips:

-YOU NEED A NEWSPAPER — PERIOD. If you’re not gonna get the ads and plan it out, there’s no point in going.
-Go to the 7-11 and pick one up on Thanksgiving Day.
-Look at every page of the ads. I often buy things for my gift drawer the day after Thanksgiving. I also buy household items that day.
-Make sure to consider small ticket items. You can get some fabulous deals.
-Don’t plan on getting any major item at Circuit City unless you plan to sleep there all night. They hardly stock anything that they advertise and they are very unhelpful.
-Target and Wal Mart rock! They stock a ton of each item and make everything easy to find.
-Don’t forget drugstores. You can get great deals on Christmas decorations, cards and wrapping paper there.
-Map out your plan carefully in order of when the stores open, write everything down and take your marked up flyers with you.
-Find out which stores price-match and go to a store that didn’t advertise the item but is willing to price-match and you’ll have a better chance of getting the item.
-Watch your time. Make sure to keep track of how long the sales are good at each store.
-Take snacks.
-Be nice.
-Take a friend if you can. Try not to lose her.

Do you have any tips?