Wanda has developed a taste for fruit leather. She loves it and she will have it and there is no limit to her insatiable dried fruit-squish thirst. The other day she ate four.
“Don’t eat four,” I said, my words like feathers in the wind. “Eating four is bad. Eating four will make you sick.”
She gave me a look.
I didn’t enforce the Don’t Eat Four policy.
Four were eaten.
Later that night I was using my magical lay-her-to-sleep powers by laying with her until she fell asleep and she lurched to a sitting position.
“AHHH!!! I just felt my heart beat!!!”
“Yes. That is normal. Because you are a human child,” I said.
She laid back down.
“MOM!! It just did it again! HA!”
“Yeah. Ha. You said I would totally get sick if I ate four fruit leathers. And I ate four fruit leathers. And my heart still totally did two beats. So. HA!”
Well, my heart is still beating today but so are my mucus producular glands. And my dizzy glands. And my lay around on the couch all day while building a mountain of balled up tissue glands.
I am a horrible sick person. I always tell myself that if I were terminally ill, I would be extremely positive and long suffering. But, give me a cold, hooooo mama. Call the wambulance. It’s not that I whine out loud, but my inner whino is super duper annoying. It’s like I can’t remember ever having energy or functioning sinuses or a head that wasn’t full of liquefied slugs.
My kids were sick today too.
And they weren’t annoying. At least not about being sick.
Maybe tomorrow will be better. HA! My heart just beat THREE times! I guess I’m fine.