Yesterday I dipped my toes in the pool of insanity. Yesterday I set some sort of record for caffeine consumption. Yesterday I watched Magoo plunge his hands into two public toilets, create a tsunami at Denny’s in Butte, Montana and smear his body with CANDY!! OH, OH, OH CANDY!!!!!!!
Yesterday I took a 14.5 hour road trip with both kids to visit my mom and dad in Eastern Montana. Luckily they don’t live in Butte because honestly…I’m not sure I could visit them there. The name is not the only thing wrong with the town. Butte has a Sinclair gas station with a convenience store which sells only liquor. Not a candy bar, map or book about bear attacks to be found (freakish for a Montana establishment of any kind). It is a gas station/ liquor store, but hey, don’t drink and drive, fer sure. On the streets of Butte, you can only turn one direction, don’t think about changing lanes and you cannot exit the Conoco station, ever. Luckily they sell pork rinds and other healthful snacks so you can live out your life quite peacefully.
The kids were actually amazing, very little fighting, yelling or major destruction. Laylee didn’t even do her impression of the tone-deaf Little Mermaid’s lost American Idol audition tape (a family favorite in enclosed spaces). When she does this, Magoo salutes her by yelling “SHUT!” repeatedly at the top of his lungs.
At our one major rest stop, Magoo even developed a new game wherein I would place him in the center of the lawn and he would immediately run to the parking lot and throw his beach ball in front of oncoming traffic, while laughing hysterically and having a blowout in his pants. There’s no fun in having a blowout at a location with an available changing table so I’m proud of his choice of venues.
When I told Laylee to get out and run around, she sauntered over to a quaint little patch of concrete, set up her Polly Pockets all in a row and commenced talking to herself in a small and high pitched voice.
Car, car, car, dead grass, dead grass, road kill, people who feel entitled to drive with their brights on at all times to avoid hitting deer, more road kill, temporary blindness, retaliatory brights, off-key singing, 30 dvds, EMERGENCY potty stops, more dead grass, GRAMMY AND PAPA’S HOUSE!!!
We’re here and safe. I miss Dan madly so I think I’ll make myself a blankie out of some Strawberry Shortcake flannel my mom has in stock, eat mini-eggs and read the 100 books I packed in the suit-case that would have been Dan’s if he didn’t feel the need to stay home and earn ye olde family dollar.