I’m very tunnel-visioned when I feel yucky like this. I feel like it will go on forever. I feel like no one has ever suffered so greatly. I feel that my feelings are self-centered and off base and yet I feel them and live in my tunnel whining just loudly enough for everyone outside the tunnel to hear me.
Luckily there are reminders in my life that tell my why I’m doing this, why I’m glad I’m doing this, why there’s nothing I’d rather do.
A few days ago, Laylee put this folded piece of paper outside my bedroom door. I saw it. I saw that it was made out of one of my stationary cards. I resisted the urge to remind her that I’ve asked her perhaps 37 times not to use my stationary cards without asking. I waited.
Yesterday afternoon she implored me, “Mom. Do not move your mail box like you did last time I left one for you. If you move it, you just won’t get any mail.”
I know you’re shocked that last time I found a crumpled-looking piece of paper on the floor outside my bedroom, I threw it out. This time she made it a little harder for me to discard by writing its name on the paper. OH! It’s a Ma-ole Box. Got it.
She told me that “some kids from school” had sent home letters for me and dad and that she’d deliver them later. She said the kids wanted to remain anonymous. I pretended I hadn’t seen her write the letters or helped her spell “Kathryn” on one of them.
Then last night, I came home from a church dinner, emptied the dinner out into the porcelain dinner receptacle and headed upstairs to change my clothes, discouraged and with a mingled sense of hunger and food-loathing.
In my ma-ole box were 4 letters. One was for Dan from a secret admirer:
Envelope:
Card:
One was for me from a similarly “secret” admirer:
Envelope:
Card:
Then there was one for Dad from Laylee.
Envelope:
Front:
Back:
And one to me From Laylee:
Envelope:
Back:
The backs of the 2 cards from Laylee are what really got my motherly feelings flowing straight through my eyeballs. I’ve felt so lame and inadequate these past few weeks but in her mind I am still the source of soaring hugs, floating hearts and love. I want to be those things and according to my daughter, I still am. This was what I needed.
Isn’t it great to have these wonderful reminders of why having children (and all the work that entails) is such a blessing?!
The hug and kiss pictures are PRICELESS!!! I hope that you save them forever. There is no gift greater than the love of a child! God has truly blessed your life…and yet another little treasure is on the way. I love how love multiplies!
This is my first time at your blog – ever. I’m not sure how I got here, exactly, but I’m really REALLY hoping that I remember the name of it when I get home so I can bookmark it and come back every day like a stalker =)
Also, even though I just read the entire front page of this website, I felt that the thing that really really warrants commenting on is the bottom post. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR PREGNANCY!!!!!!!!! I hope you’re feeling better soon!
Thanks for the congrats. Come around and stalk anytime.
-Kathryn
See?
🙂
Yes, my wise bloggy-BFF. You are right. 🙂
Sometimes, when I’m wanting another baby really badly the thought runs through my mind that I shouldn’t short change the kids I already do have by wishing there was another one running around. Then I think that wanting another one, is a tribute to them, that they are so good, and sweet and adorable that of course i want more–just like they are.
Your sweet Laylee is a reminder why you are going through pregnancy again.
I had that same thought so many times when I wanted to be pregnant over the last year. I kept telling myself (and it was true) “If these two are the only two we ever get, we will have a flippin’ rad family.”
Oh you must frame those! Those are so adorable! Indeed a great reminder for you. And now you can comfort yourself on not-so-great-mommy days that THAT is how she pictures you!
Dang, those darn kids will break your heart every time, won’t they! You just want to bottle them up and spray them on, they are so cute and make you feel warm all over!
Aw!
I’ve always wanted a Sucret in mire.
(I know… so bad, but I just couldn’t resist!)
So sweet. Plus the “porcelain dinner receptacle” was classic. Maybe you will get to use that new belt after all.
Wonderful!
I love reminders from the kiddies that I actually WANTED to have the kiddies. 🙂 And there is nothing, nothing, nothing better than love like this from your child.
P.S. It’s okay to be all tunnel-y with the vision right now –you’ll get through it! (as you already know, eh?)
🙂
When I periodically step out of the tunnel, yes I do know it. 🙂
How incredibly sweet.
well, isn’t she a great artiste?! nice drawings!
see how they don’t hold anything against, not for at least another 15 years! like we say around here in the face of grumpiness, “i love you, anyway!”
Those are very sweet.
What a sweetheart! Does she know she made all of smile, too? 🙂
I love when children are in the invented spelling stage. So precious.
It is amazing how well she can print Laylee :-).
Seriously. It almost freaks me out. It’s like a typed font from photoshop or something.
Such sweetness. Give Laylee a hug for me. 🙂 And Magoo and Dad, too.
Your kids are awesome.
I’m sure you know this. But I had to say it anyway. That was just so sweet!
Awesome. And my kindergartener makes identical mailboxes, and I accidentally throw them away, too.
Mao-le – love it!!!
Laylee is like her mom, an awesome writer. Glad you are celebrating these little much needed moments, friend.
I cried. So looking forward to the day when I get more than a blown kiss or a hug. There are days when I need something more tangible to buoy me up. I would definitely frame these.
I’m coming over from Mormon Mommy Blogs, asking for your help. I am in the running for a round trip airfare paid ticket to Connecticut, to meet a friend I became acquainted with through blogging. She is a super fun person and is holding this contest. I entered a funny story titled “Grapejuice Floaties, Now Marry Me.” The person whose story receives the most votes will win a trip to meet this generous lady, whom I’m hoping to meet. The voting ends tonight-midnight. I used to be ahead but there is a story coming up from behind out of nowhere, and it’s a tight race now. I would so much appreciate your help. Her blog is http://www.becausemomsaidso.blogspot.com and the voting is on the sidebar on the right. “Grapejuice, Floaties” Just go there and cast a vote for me, please. Thanks so much-you’re awesome! ♥♥
How cute and sweet and special. I’m sure you’ll treasure those forever. 🙂
How nice. I LOVE when I get Ma-ol from my kids.
So sweet!
These cards are really priceless. It’s one of those times when you feel that you haven’t achieved anything then you realize that you have indeed succeeded in so many things. Being a parent is really not easy, but it is definitely very rewarding.
Really these cute pics are the best reminders of happy days in every family. These little cute writings by little cute hands is the best asset one will ever have………
I love to read your blog.
It is very fun an informative and very close to what my life is like.
aren’t kids fun