Personal Blog of Author Kathryn Thompson
I was trying out some yoga for beginners in the family room this morning when Magoo walked in.
Magoo: What? Are? Youdoing?
Me: Yoga. It’s a special kind of exercise.
Magoo: That’s not ECKK-ERCIZE!!!! That’s SITTING!
Maybe I should go to a class.
Sometimes I think my kids are a lot like people. [read more at parenting.com]
Last week I found myself having the following conversation with Magoo:
Me: NO. We don’t put meat in our pockets!
Magoo: Oh. Hmm. We don’t put meat at our pock-ets?
Me: NO. Meat only goes in our mouths or on our plates.
Magoo [still holding the lunch meat an inch from his jeans]: I can save it?
Me: Not in your pocket.
Magoo: Okay.
Sometimes we SMELL like we put meat in our pockets… or onions… or rubbed onions under our arms. Those are the days that we return our natural deodorant to Whole Foods for a refund because if we’re gonna spend $5 for a quality aluminum-free deodorant, we’re gonna be sure we don’t stink.
I handed the deodorant to the man at the service desk yesterday and told him I was returning it because it didn’t work. He asked me if it had been opened.
“Yes,” I said slowly, “I did open it. I even put it on. After a couple of days I started putting it on twice a day. No luck.”
He gave me a funny look.
“My friends and acquaintances would all appreciate it if you’d give me a refund so I could find something that works.”
I will never feel embarrassed returning an unwanted Pyrex dish to Target again.
This afternoon Laylee began a parental love affair with a roly poly pill bug she found under a log in the back yard. She “saved” him, brought him tenderly inside and showed me how CUTE he was. Ay, Lassie. He was the cutest roly poly that ever I did see.
She carried him around all afternoon, chattering away to him, singing and teaching him tricks. They played games, wherein she chased him across the carpet with a plastic cup trying to capture him. If he ended up under the cup, she won. If he made it out before the cup came down, he won. I think that if the cup came down and he was half-way in and halfway out, everyone would have lost but luckily that didn’t happen.
She told me she was training him. Apparently he would stop when she yelled “stop” and go when she yelled “go.” He was obedient because she loved him and she yelled because he had small ears. She told me that he was her best friend.
At some point in the afternoon her yelling became louder as she frantically searched the family room looking for her crawly friend. “Roly Poly! I love you! Where are you?”
He was nowhere to be found. As she cried, she told me that she had last seen him in the small plastic car she was giving him a ride in. She’d left the room for just a moment and when she came back he was gone. I hobbled around on my crutches and helped her search but apparently did not show adequate emotion and she cried in despair and said, “MOM! I’m as sad from losing him as you’d be if you lost me.”
I told her that I didn’t think that was the case but I knew she really loved him and then I had a brilliant idea, “I bet I know where he is. I bet he wanted to get back to his home. You should go out and look in that rotting log where you originally found him and I bet he’s right back there, hanging out with his friends.”
Apparently she’d disturbed the log to the point that he and all his friends had gone into hiding but I feel confident that they’ll be back and she can reclaim her baby… or another one just like him, a deaf little ball of slime that’s very obedient to 5-year-olds and loves riding around in plastic cars. In the meantime, I’ll be looking very carefully inside my shoes before I step inside them.
Icannotstaywell! Icannotstaywell! If my body is cooperating and healing from my many seasonal plagues, I must sabotage it in some way. Today was a MODEL day. I drove Dan to work and Laylee to preschool. I watched two of my friends’ kids while baking bread and starting some seeds sprouting. I cleaned my kitchen, did some laundry and spent a couple of hours working in my garden.
I barely even took a minute to IM Dan and brag about my great goodliness as a domestic diva.
When my arm muscles were completely finished gardening, I decided to mow the lawn or at least pull the starter cord on the mower a few times until I flooded the engine so I could tell Dan I’d tried. In order to mow the lawn, I needed to harvest it for plastic toys and move the giant yard waste bin around to the front of the house.
No problem. I employed my little slaves doing the harvest and started lugging the 100lb+ yard waste container out of the way. Half way around the house it jumped on a rock as I yanked it forward and came down hard on my Achilles tendon. My word! The PAIN!
It bruised and swelled up and I had to send Laylee next door to ask my neighbor to help me into the house. While Neighbor1 was homeopathing me and helping me make a doctor’s appointment, Neighbor2 dropped everything and ran over to watch the kids so Neighbor1 could drive me to the doctor. Neighbor1 bought me ice cream on the way back from the doctor and picked up some pizza so my kids wouldn’t starve. Don’t you want to come live on my block?! These ladies are out of control awesome.
Long story short — I’m on crutches and unable to put any weight on my left foot. Well, right now I’m sitting on the couch with my laptop keeping me warm and my foot elevated but I have to use the crutches to get around if I so choose.
Honestly, the most annoying thing is not the pain or the fact that I’m slow getting around. The most annoying thing is that I can’t pick up anything and carry it with me. I’m a major CAYGer (Clean as You Go) and I’m used to always walking from one room to the next with an item to put away. Not today. Tonight I tidied up the toys by crawling and scooting around on the floor while nagging my children. They were actually quite sweet and helpful to me all day, kisses for my foot, purple pansies decorating my shoes.
Any tips for getting around better with crutches or being able to carry things at the same time, besides in my mouth? I’m finding that certain of my belongings do not lend themselves well to being transported orally.
I have sad news friends. After less than 7 years of marriage I have parted ways with my wedding bands.
I came home from my trip and found that my purse was absolutely crammed with dirt, crumbs and mysterious chunks of mystery. I removed all the non-trash items and shook the bag vigorously over the trash can to remove the rest of the grime.
Then this Friday I realized my fingers had un-swole after returning to the Pacific North West. For some reason the always swell up like melons when we go visit family in Utah. So I went to get my wedding bands out of the zipper compartment of my purse and found it unzipped and empty.
Suddenly I remembered that over a week ago I had dumped all the “trash” out into the garbage can. I’m 99% sure the rings went with it. So off they go to a landfill somewhere. Two more pieces of metal that will never be recycled.
I’m sick about the loss but Dan says, “Everyone makes mistakes.” Marrying him was not one of them.
This picture makes me giggle Every. Time. I. See. It.
I was driving around campus when I went to visit BYU earlier this month. Julie and I were meeting up for lunch and I arrived at the visitor parking lot with plenty of 2 minutes to spare. The lot was full but the attendant said I was welcome to drive around and double check. It really was full but in the spirit of great lurkers I’ve met in the past, I found a woman getting ready to leave, followed her to her car, put on my blinker and waited for her.
Another driver in a car smaller than my tank of familyhood headed down the aisle towards me, stopped on the other side of the exiting vehicle and put her blinker on as well. It was a showdown. It was a game of parking chicken. And she won. As soon as the car had backed fully out, she jetted in front of me and took the spot. I could do nothing but honk my horn, huff puff and throw an insane sort of adult hissy fit with my children looking on.
When I was certain there were no other spots available, I headed across campus to the additional parking by the stadium, about half a mile from where Julie and I were to meet. I dialed her cell phone. Breathing quickly through clenched teeth I growled that I would be late for lunch due to an extremely rude single woman who had no idea what it was like to tote two tired children all over the state through the snow and it might take me even longer than normal because I would have to take a side trip to the parking lot to key her car.
In the rearview mirror I caught sight of Laylee’s face, studying me closely like a mini-dose of Calm-the-Heck-Down-For-the-Sake-of-the-Children. I then started into a whole Pollyanna routine about how lucky we were to get to walk through the parking lot and see all the pretty cars and past the Marriot center and through a tunnel and over a bridge and down a spirally ramp and past a water feature and across a sidewalk and through the quad… in the snow. I told them I was sure that the mean lady wasn’t lucky enough to do ANY of those things. She had tried to be mean but in the end we had won out because we had gotten to take such an exciting and scenic walk.
The kids appeared to buy it and I even felt nearly recovered from my irrational psychotic rage by the time I met Julie for the first time. She’s as lovely as her blog and I’d hate to have terrified her with my red-faced saliva-spitting anger.
So I thought it was over… until yesterday.
We were driving in the car and suddenly Laylee asked, “Remember when we were at BYU and you said you wanted to pee in that lady’s car?”
Me: What?!
Laylee: That mean lady took our parking spot and you said you wanted to go back and pee in her car.
Me [wanting to redeem myself in her eyes but obviously not thinking it through]: NO! Honey. I would never pee in somebody’s car. I said I wanted to KEY… her… car.
Laylee: What’s “key”””
Me: It’s a bad mean thing that we should never do or even joke about and it was very inappropriate of me to even say and I am so sorry.
Laylee: But what””
Me: It’s too mean and I won’t ever do it.
Laylee: Um… okay…
So we don’t believe in urinary vandalism in this family. No ma’am. If we’re gonna do property damage, we’re gonna go for the gold. Ayaiyai! I wonder when I’ll ever learn to keep my big mouth shut when around little people with long memories and “enquiring minds.”
It’s here and you can celebrate with me for three reasons. First, we get to save the planet today like Batman or Super Why. Second, there is still a ton of free stuff up for grabs over at Seattle Mom Blogs for anyone in the US to win. Third, today is the last day I’ll be talking about green things for a while. After today I will go back to blogging my kids’ vomit and my adventures in parking.
It seems like for every good thing I’m doing, there are ten more things I feel like I should be doing and then half the good things I’m doing turn out to be not as good as I thought they were. I think I’ve taught Laylee pretty well just to do her best and that her best is good enough for me. I guess my best should be good enough for me too. Here are a few things I’m focusing on this year.
1. Buying more whole foods and cooking from scratch, organic when the price is affordable. I can afford more organic if I plan carefully and don’t let produce rot as much. I frequently end up throwing away food because I over-buy or under-eat the good stuff. When I can’t buy organic (which is more than half the time), I wash produce carefully in diluted vinegar to remove surface pesticides and other contamination.
2. Buying more gifts from local artists and craftspeople instead of stockpiling sale gifts I may or may not WANT to give from my gift drawer when occasions arise.
3. Buying less of everything and being mindful of where things come from. I plan to do more with freecycle, eBay and Good Will this year and shop at one of the many antique stores in my area.
4. Figuring out what to do with my composter so I can build my very own useful landfill in the back yard for the benefit of my garden.
5. Growing a successful container garden that actually lives long enough to produce something edible.
6. Remembering my reusable grocery sacks at least half the time.
7. Turning off the water while I’m brushing my teeth.
8. Finding a way to wean off bleach by 2010.
9. Buying at least one fair trade item this year and research my favorite companies to see which of them have responsible business practices and treat their production employees well.
10. Walking to the library instead of driving. Teaching the kids to think it’s fun that we’re walking to the library instead of driving.
12. Turning the heater down 2 degrees next winter.
11. Buying thousands of hamsters to run in little wheels that will power my computer for blogging purposes.
If you’re interested in getting a free copy of Gorgeously Green (which I highly recommend), I now have 4 copies to give away at SMB.com. There are also gDiapers, Klutter Katchers, Belli Facial Care, and Method Baby products. Today’s the last day to put your name in the running.
I love to buy stuff. I know you can’t buy happiness but I truly am very happy most of the time when I’m shopping. It feels good to find a “treasure,” snag it for my very own and then have the power to purchase it. Now if I can get that treasure for close to no money, even better.
The more I read about health, environmental friendliness and green living, the more I realize that nearly everything I own is either toxic, wasteful, irresponsible or unfair to humans or other animals. It makes me want to get rid of everything I currently have and then buy all new organic, non-toxic, fair trade versions of my possessions. Oooo, it’s fun being green if it means you can shop shop shop. I don’t think this is the answer either however.
If the tree has already been killed, the slave has already labored, the item already purchased and used, then unless it’s filled with lead or some other posisonous substance, it’s probably more responsible for me to use up the item I have than to chuck it in a landfill or even recycle it and keep buying more.
I have to refrain from buying more reusable grocery bags every time another store comes out with a cuter, more environmentally friendly version. Even things that are produced using resources responsibly are still using resources and anything you buy will have some impact on our world. One of the best things we can do to help the environment is to stop buying so much junk and that’s something that should fit into anyone’s budget. The next time you pick up that ill-fitting t-shirt on clearance for 3 dollars and consider buying it because it’s ONLY 3 DOLLARS, think about whether you really need it or whether you can make do with what you have at home and save that 3 dollars for something else, like a present for me.
In this spirit, I’m not going to go out and buy new organic cotton sheets until those I already have wear themselves out. When I’m buying new because I need them, then I’ll get the good stuff. I need to think about my decisions carefully instead of setting fire to all my earthly possessions so I can save the world.