Last week I found myself having the following conversation with Magoo:
Me: NO. We don’t put meat in our pockets!
Magoo: Oh. Hmm. We don’t put meat at our pock-ets?
Me: NO. Meat only goes in our mouths or on our plates.
Magoo [still holding the lunch meat an inch from his jeans]: I can save it?
Me: Not in your pocket.
Magoo: Okay.
Sometimes we SMELL like we put meat in our pockets… or onions… or rubbed onions under our arms. Those are the days that we return our natural deodorant to Whole Foods for a refund because if we’re gonna spend $5 for a quality aluminum-free deodorant, we’re gonna be sure we don’t stink.
I handed the deodorant to the man at the service desk yesterday and told him I was returning it because it didn’t work. He asked me if it had been opened.
“Yes,” I said slowly, “I did open it. I even put it on. After a couple of days I started putting it on twice a day. No luck.”
He gave me a funny look.
“My friends and acquaintances would all appreciate it if you’d give me a refund so I could find something that works.”
I will never feel embarrassed returning an unwanted Pyrex dish to Target again.
Maybe I should have this conversation with my son. Just this morning, I washed half of a turkey sandwich that was left in the back pocket of his jeans. I don’t know what’s worse… that he had half of a turkey sandwich in his pocket, or that I didn’t notice that it was there in the first place.
Good luck with the deodorant. 🙂 I am pro-aluminum so that I won’t scare off people at the grocery store with my stench. 🙂
Just think about all the things you will be finding in his pockets. Bugs(dead and alive), frogs, snakes, vegitation and dirt. He can justfy things like this in his pockets because it’s not meat, well sort of not meat.
You know, there are some things that I think really should be full-to-the-brim with chemicals – toilet bowl cleaner, lysol, deodorant. Organic is awesome, but not in your armpits.
Rofl Sue! This was hilarious Kathryn…
Did you see Napolean Dynamite? When he was saving “tots” (as in tater) in his cargo pants pocket?
I could see keeping bacon in your pocket because you never know when you might need some.
Wahahahahaaa! At least you realized that the thing wasn’t working for ya! In HS I had a friend who was SO delighted with the hip hippy-ness of the “natural crystal deodorant” that I didn’t have the heart to tell him he STUNK. Horribly.
Ha ha ha ha! I’m still giggling about the clerk asking if you opened it. Good comeback, Kathryn. Good comeback.
I’m glad that you’re in WA. If you were here, I would be hungry all the time as I LOVE onions.
Did they take it back? Good luck finding one that works. I am sort of with Sue on this one.
Meat in the pockets, eh? It sort of makes me wonder what he will come up with next. Keep us posted. That is an adorable picture of the little Magoo boy.
Hehe… that’s hilarious. Great reply to the Whole Foods guy. 🙂
When you find an aluminum free one that works will you let me know so I can save myself the stinky embarrassment? I’ll remember not to keep meat and garlic in my pockets as well and see if that helps.
Ah, reminds me of the blissfull days when my boys were young and leaving food in their pockets. Now I have to worry about them leaving flash drives, MP3 players and memory cards in their pockets. Those things don’t do well in the wash. With food, you just have to wipe down the washer, with electronics you clean out your bank account.
Two good reasons that some of us have no friends. I’m gonna get to work on that right away.
P.S. I used a crystal deoderant for a while, and it kept me from being stinky, but not from being MOIST. Eww. Give me chemicals! Or maybe – give me eyeballs and a brain so I can see if it says deoderant AND antiperspirant!
Aluminum free deodorant that works [drumroll…]
Desert Essence Dry By Nature Deodorant! You gotta love it.
Good for you! (for taking back the defective deodorant). I think I’d wimp out, but hey, if it doesn’t work, you deserve your money back. I took a crockpot back to Bed Bath and Beyond the other day even though I had used it. I was feeling a bit guilty, but seriously, it had burned my chicken! I didn’t even think it was possible to burn something in a crockpot.
what a mean mommy with the no meat in our pockets rule!:)
you’ve got guts to return used deodorant. i think you’ve inspired me to return the trash can i bought at costco–it’s supposed to have a motion detector that opens and closes when you wave your hand across the sensor, but ours is possessed and opens and closes constantly. i’ve felt badly about returning it when it’s had garbage in it, but . . . if it doesn’t work, why should i pay for it? thanks!
Um, can I come with you the next time you have to return deodorant? Because this is hysterical.
My son holds his in his cheeks. He started at that young age and still does it at eleven, just about the time when he needs the second half of your post he is still holding food in his cheeks.
Meat in pockets is way better than living, breathing things in pockets and “giggle, I forgot it was in there”.
As for deodorants…how on earth did he think you came to the discovery it didn’t work? LOL.
We live in AZ where it’s hotter than hell. Both myself and my husband use and enjoy Alba in Mandarin scent. However, neither my husband nor myself are very odoriferous people. So ya’ never know. Good Luck!
I switched to rubbing alcohol for deodorant 2.5 months ago and it’s working really well. I sniff my pits multiple times a day just to make sure! lol. The only times it hasn’t worked is when I wear a particular shirt – I’m thinking maybe the SHIRT has residual smell in the pits from before. Yuck.