The Halloween Witch – Thaaat’s what they call me, folks.
I am oh-so-done with my children running around at warp speed with their volume turned up to “shatter”. The candy was fun. The candy was beloved. The candy is now gone. And my kids are grateful. The entire neighborhood and my fellow Target shoppers are probably grateful too.
Firstly, I will say that I refuse to ration candy or fight with my kids for weeks on end after the tricking and the treating are over. If I’ve dragged them from house to house in the cold begging for sugar, I refuse to then take all the sugar away on the grounds that it’s not good for them.
For the two days following Halloween, I let the sugar flow free throughout the house. Food was substituted by refined enamel-dissolving carbs and the children alternately rejoiced and melted down. It was too much for their little brains to handle.
Magoo woke the second morning calling for me in sadness. I entered his room to find him sitting up looking half asleep and mumbling to himself.
Me: Good morning!
Me: You wanna get up?
Me: You wanna come to mommy?
Me: You wanna stay in bed?
Me: What do you want?
Magoo: Uh…my canny.
Me: You want your candy?
With that he jumped into my arms.
And so I told my children the legend of the Halloween Witch. She comes in the night 48 hours after spook day, searching for candy. If you leave what’s left of your stash on the front porch by the rotting pumpkins, she will whisk it away to
dad’s office her Witch’s palace and leave a present in its place.
My kids gleefully binged for 2 days and then decided to take their chances with door number 3. Behind door number 3 they found a mechanical snorting baby pig and a BIG TRUCK!!!!! Their joy was full and those little stinkers were able to eat candy all day today too because they had tricked the witch by deviously squirreling chocolate away in their carseats, bits of bit-o-honey under their beds and half-licked linty lollipops in purses and bags.
They look forward to gathering candy for the witch next year and I look forward to them slowing down tomorrow and detoxing enough to feel the pain when they slam their heads into the walls.
*** It’s 2012 and The Halloween Witch has visited every year since the writing of this post in 2007. It’s always voluntary but the kids see it as a no-brainer. This year I gave them the option of donating their candy directly to the troops in exchange for cash and bypassing the witch. They would have none of it. So I guess the witch will have to donate in their honor. I love the witch as much today as I did when we first met her and I hope you enjoy her as well! ***