The spiders of Washington State have teamed up with the haunted forest behind my house to ensure a spooky good time for everyone who lives here.Â Giant spider webs stretch from every tree, column and fence post around our yard.Â In the morning, the dew clings to them, making them appear thick, white and stiff.Â
Sitting in the center of each web is a huge female spider who, according to a thoroughly freaked out woman in Target, will do anything AN-Y-THING to get inside my house or crawlspace and lay her bazillions of eggs at this season of the year.Â I used to get excited when one of the spiders disappeared from the yard.Â Now I find it moderately disturbing.
Dan and Laylee watched a male and female spider do a “special dance” last Saturday in the front yard until Dan sent her in to tell me that the daddy spider had gone away to “dance somewhere else.”Â Um, yeah.Â I’m sure his dissected corpse is doing tons of dancing IN HER STOMACHE JUICES.Â If she’d eat her own mate, what would she do to my grey matter as I’m sleeping and she crawls in my ear to hibernate?
Sudden change of topic:
-The cast of Prison Break.Â Simple.Â Understated.Â Hope your kids don’t mind shaving their heads.
-Characters from Napoleon Dynamite.Â Got a thrift store?Â Got a costume.
-The different things the old lady swallowed.Â Dress your kids as a fly, a spider, a bird, a cat, a dog, a horse and a cow and then see if anyone can figure out what you’re supposed to be.
-The Wiggles.Â Easiest costumes ever if you have a family of 4.
-The Seven C’s — I once heard of a group of seven all wearing matching outfits with the letter C written on their shirts.Â Silly, but fun.
-Gum rappers.Â Wear the bandanas, hoodies and low-rise jeans and a necklace made of Bubblicious.Â (I think this will be me and Dan this year)
-Charlie Brown characters.Â Magoo plans to be Charlie Brown this year.Â You’ve got to capitalize on your strengths.Â With a noggin like that, he’s got it made.
-The Invisible Man.Â Stay home, eat ice cream, and when people ask you why you didn’t come to the party, tell them you were there but you went as the invisible man.
-Not a princess.
Now share yours.Â Creative, weird, practical?Â All suggestions are welcome.
Photo courtesy of Mary K. Baird, posted at morguefile.com
reasons: hard hats in children’s sizes, string cheese, visits from family