Thank you so much for all of your kindness as I’ve been going through this rough time. It’s not hard to be open about my struggles when I get such a gracious and loving response.
It’s amazing how fast the hard times come and how quickly they begin to recede with faith, prayers, friends, good medical care and prescriptions, and a weekend spent sitting on an island watching the sunset with your main schmoop and zero small people.
Dan and I had planned a getaway for this past weekend months before my brain glitch last month happened. It’s the first time we’ve gone away for a weekend without the kids in the nearly six years since Laylee was born and I feel sure that all the planning and timing were no accident. Someone knew I’d need some extra relaxation to help get over the worst of my panic and anxiety.
Now we’re getting back into our routine and it seems strange that just days ago I was swallowed up in so much fear and panic. I’ve been sleeping in, grateful to be sleeping well again and we were a bit tardy getting Laylee to kindergarten this morning. I apologized and she sensed the stress in my voice.
“It doesn’t matter if I’m late for school Mom. It just matters that I’m alive. Come on, man!”
Yeah, yeah. Peace, love and all that jazz. I’d still like to avoid excessive and habitual late slips. But I enjoyed the sentiment. There is wisdom in our young ones. Upon arriving back home, Laylee’s favorite song “I Know Karate” (see embed below) was playing on the cd player and Magoo begged me not to go inside until it had finished.
So we stayed in the car as I unleashed the artistic fury of my funky greatness. Rolling fists, flashing jazz hands and bobbing my head like a skanking Rastafarian. Hey. My car dancing moves are limited because my mobility is restricted but I can still bust a move in a manner pleasing to children under the age of six. Magoo parroted my every motion and when the song finished he exclaimed, “I did it. I could do all of it!”
And his moves were passable. I hope they serve him well in his life. Maybe he’ll report back to me about how they’re working for him. Perhaps in junior high sometime. Maybe his peers will report back even more emphatically.
So glad that you got away and that you are doing well again! I struggled with postpartum after I had my 6 year old. It was the longest year and half of my life. When I had my two year old, I knew better how to handle it, although it was still very difficult.
Thank you for sharing you story with us. You will never know how much it has helped me. I know that I am not alone in my feelings, panic and anxiety. My heart goes out to all women who struggle with this. God bless you!
Glad to hear you are feeling better. May it continue.
We call that dance in the car stuff The Backseat Boogie.
Glad you got a vacation. Welcome back! :o)
Awesome Mom says
I am glad that you are feeling better. I am so envious of your vacation. I grew up in Washington and loved visiting the San Juan islands. Ahh good times.
Great pictures! It looks like you had so much fun! *hugs* (I especially love the pic of you and Dan… what a good lookin’ couple!) 🙂
It looks like you had a marvelous time! I am glad you are feeling more on an even keel.
Pam in Utah says
Oh, I am so happy for you, too. So glad you had that trip planned for recently, as well. Sure love you!
Steph @ Diapers and Divinity says
The pictures are so beautiful. So glad you got some time away…sometimes that’s just gold!
Pam in Utah says
Also! LOVE those pictures! You are gitin gooood. 🙂
“I love Karate” That is hysterical!
Thank you for being open about your struggle with PPD. I finally (after a very long 2 year battle) saw a psychiatrist for the first time yesterday. Took my first anti-depressant today. I’m not cured, but I’m finally feeling hopeful for the first time in a VERY long time. And I finally reached out for help in no small part due to the many brave bloggers out there who were willing to share their stories.
It took me a minute to realize the song is not really called I know karate. 😉
Just tuning in. I am glad you are doing better. I think you are very brave and wonderful for sharing this. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
We completely skipped school today just because I felt over-whelmed. Of course it’s “just” preschool, but I still felt guilty.
So, so, so wish we could take a trip without the kids. That sounds heavenly. We are working at starting small, like, you know, getting him to stay at preschool without me there too.
Some days I just feel like I suck at this job. I had no training for it! And then they play games with each other (“chase” turns into “chicken” which turns into “full contact tackling”) and it seems like I must be doing a good job for them to be that happy. Right about then I get included in the hugging/tackling and I’m convinced I’m doing all right. Even if we skipped school today.
Julie @ the calm before the stork says
So glad you got to go on that fabulous trip!!!
Personally, I think my car dance moves are BETTER than my non-restricted moves. There’s something about the limitation that makes me more creative? Or I can wiggle with more waggle if I don’t also have to worry about balance or crashing into things?
I think there are some life-lesson metaphors in here somewhere.