So it turns out I lied. The taxes and I? We were not meant to be together. Not here, not now, not like this. Last year I rocked the taxes. I turboed the taxes. I filled in the numbers, pulled the lever, and got us a sweet return.
Dan took the tax return and, with the help of the good folks at Dell, converted it into a totally wicked server with a raid-array-blabbity-blah which we are using to slowly take over the world, one bit at a time.
This year, after –
“Oh Anne! I’ve loved you as long as I can remember.” So-ry. I’m watching Gil propose to Anne as I type this. It’s a little distracting. She’s “so desperately sorry.” Ahhhh….
-Oh, yeah. This year, after making a complete disaster of our taxes, I gave up in despair, vowing to return in a few days and fix the damage. That was a few weeks ago and the tax documents have lived in a very large and unruly folder in the office, unloved and unattended to. I literally turn my back and shudder as I walk by them.
Then yesterday Dan realized we’d have to pay extra on TurboTax if we didn’t file by the 31st so he gathered up my mess, sorted the documents, deciphered the tough stuff and saved us from financial ruin and years of house arrest and community service.
Hmm….house arrest and community service? This sounds a little too familiar. It’s flu season around these parts….
One thing’s for sure. I’m glad he did his research. If it had not been for this enlightening article Dan found online, we never would have known that I needed to claim the “commission” I’m making running those cock fights in our garage or blackmailing the nice old man next door.
Of course Dan passed this info along to all of his embezzling, extortionizing co-workers. One particularly shady character asked if he robbed a federal bank and took only 700,000 of their million dollar holdings, could he consider his taxes already paid? I’m not sure. I bet he can find the answer to that online.
He probably just needs to claim it as previously paid taxes on the 6759R form under drug money and other miscellaneous felonious profitocity.